I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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