i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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