24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
