In America we eat man semen.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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