My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
