I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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