My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
