Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
