that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
