Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Houston, we have a squirter
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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