is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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