I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
