Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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