I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
