its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
