I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
