Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
