I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
