also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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