ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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