dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Did I show you my penis last night?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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