i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The Olympian is in my bed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
