I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
