I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
