i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
