Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
