Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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