I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
