I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Come see our sink grown plant.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
