her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
