So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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