Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
