So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
