Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
