Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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