You're my little dorito
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
