Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
