He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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