**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
