i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
