and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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