I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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