he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
