you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
