I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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