I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
