my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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