The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
