grandma shit on top of the toilet
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I am one with the molecules
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
