She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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