I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
