All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
