so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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