Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize