Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
