Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
