I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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