I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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