There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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