well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
