You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
