Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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