um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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