Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
