So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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