JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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