i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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