i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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