i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
