she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
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