i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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