He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
