i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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