my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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