So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
