omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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