i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
