I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
