This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
